It's coming to the end of 2011. At first, I would expected a different ending...having my life sorted out, settled with a good relationship, playing more rugby and having a good end with this year..that was something I hope..But sadly it isn't..It didn't come out as I expected..I still couldn't develop a relationship where my hope were crushed, I want to settle and think about the next step of finishing my study ahead but I couldn't. I think there's something more are missing. I didn't have enough period of time playing rugby as I should. My sister got sick(she just get started her degree in Penang) and I'm also having difficulty myself with a heartbreaking news with my doctor earlier this month. My phone got lost last week and so much things. I feel weak inside.
At this time 2 o'clock early in the morning..I always thinking and thinking..I can't sleep easily because of insomniac problem. That's when I think a lot of my life, what happens in the past, present and certainly the future. I'm quite lost. I take a look on this single year, only this year, and I become frustrated. I don't know what's wrong.
From the relationship view, maybe I didn't have the urge to find suitable one and one who like me with who I am. I just kept finding and working to impress but it seems like I lost it. Then when I got crushed, I stopped and being super disappointed. I also didn't get enough rugby games either. I try to revive my career right now but the place where I currently study didn't allow that this year, I'm flustered. I didn't know what else I'm gonna do. And last week my sister got sick and it worries our family, it is a serious disease (sorry, can't tell) and she's always crying there. She's far away and yet she strive to keep herself going. Still...I don't know what to do. My phone got lost, and I became confused. What's happening? Why everything didn't work out?
But then it hits me...I'm overthinking.I'm overflowing with curiosity and overlooking with the bad things. I get frustrated easily currently without looking the meaning behind all of it. I'm switching to my 'defense mechanism' where I always saw faith didn't do me a favor. I must face the reality and I must realize that "you won't get everything you want in life..."
*currently related it with the joy I had with my friends at the futsal reunion yesterday.
That's when I remember keep on with the positives =)
What happened to you is the way Allah is training your faith. brace yourself, friend. there must be blessing in disguise =)
ReplyDeleteyup,that's true ;)..thanks;)
ReplyDeletehey big guy... u have already in relationship..but ur gf is far or maybe in front of u..just wait for the times k.. it will be urs.. :)
ReplyDeleteand be strong always..men must hide their weakness and come back with full of strength k.. :)